Sunday, 27 November 2011

The Battle of Badger Moor


Today brought us the most glorious of victories!

Do not listen to the spread by the organs of the parasites! They hide behind falsehoods, claiming that it was they who halted our advance across Badger Moor, where it in fact the brave volunteers of the peoples militias that ground the advance of the forces of oppression into the mud.

Our pernicious foe made the fatal mistake of relying on the services of tools of capitalist oppression in the form of local military units. These men, not fired by the spirit of Communism and in step with their fellow man, but rather serving for pay alone broke and ran after being cut apart by our new armoured car; a glorious fruit of the peoples labour. Abandoning their own vehicle (a shoddy piece of equipment – built by the exploitation of our brother workers) the fascists left flank was open and our brave leader led a glorious advance to capitalise secure these gains.

Seeing the plans of the oppressor thus stymied, our bother comrades on our left flank made a committee decision to leave the field of battle at speed, as our work was completed, leaving our foe to wallow in the swamp.

Some have asked if this stretch of marsh was worth the losses of Comrades McLean and Whyte who were cruelly gunned down by the enemy.

I have this to say to them. Badger Moor may look like a barren, fetid wasteland. It may appear to have no tactical or strategic importance whatsoever, but our comrades made the ultimate sacrifice for this piece of land, their blood flows deep within its currents, and that is why we must fight for it.

Some may point out that McLean and Whyte’s blood would not have been shed if not for the telling blow we struck the oppressor here today in the first place, and I have this to say to them. Shut up.

Sunday, 18 September 2011

A Little-Bother-on-Sea


Today brought us the most glorious of victories!

Unfortunately, I, The Secretary General was overwhelmed by the gloriousness of it all and seem to have forgotten most of the details.

The Little-Badger-on-Sea Sunday school Easter egg hunt started out pleasantly enough with the many groups who had come to attend that day’s festivities making their way towards the centre of this delightful town, searching every bush, hillock and distinctive terrain feature for eggs.

Unfortunately, when reaching the cliffs some big boys in armour decided that they were going to ruin everybody’s fun by shooting at us. Down by the docks as well, egg poachers could be heard attacking the other attendees.

When the party crashers took cover in their cave, however, they were smoked out with grenades. They did not rise again.

The Bristol Bolshevik Committee, severely short on their share of eggs rushed to meet the other attendees and were greeted with an exchange of celebratory gunfire. Having thus been informed as to the other groups intention not to share everybody went home for tea.

Sunday, 3 April 2011

The Battle of Badgers Deep


Today brought us the most glorious of victories!

While it may seem to some that amongst ephemeral allegiances and motives of this revolution there are few certainties and fewer truths, know that we alone, hold our path straight and true.

In our latest engagement we demonstrated our commitment to The People as we attempted to protect the hamlet of Badgers Deep from marauding opportunists led by the noted criminal and enemy of The Revolution, Lady Bagshaw, who had, that day, augmented her warband of child soldiers with bloodthirsty mercenaries, known to have direct links to Fascist Regime of Chancellor Adolf Hitler!

We proceeded in good order, supported by our brother communists and detachment of regular troops.

As we approached the centre of the settlement our foe revealed their utter contempt for the lives of civilians by beginning a heavy bombardment. Luckily for us their shots were as wildly misplaced as their allegiances and we – and our allies - escaped unharmed. The fact our artillery landed first just went to show our dedication to protecting Badgers Deep from the attentions of our invidious foe.

The fighting on our left flank devolved into biter close quarters fighting almost immediately. However, the righteous spirit in which we execute the will of the people allowed us on the right to pin or eliminate our adversary, except for the gutless mercenary troops who cowered in the shadow of a small copse. The enemy once again brought their improvised mortar to bear, further endangering civilian lives, destroying The Peoples roads and slaughtering wildlife in The Peoples duck pond.

One casualty of note was that of The Colonel – a man who spent most of his ‘military’ career machine-gunning the various native peoples subjected to the illegitimate ‘Empire’ to which he swore allegiance. While we hoped we had rid the earth of this man he has apparently escaped with the loss of only one eye. Nevertheless, The Revolution shall make him answer for his crimes against The Workers of the world.

Sunday, 9 January 2011

The Hareng Rouge Caper


Today brought us the most glorious of victories!

In the face of heavy enemy fire and mounting casualties we not only proved our metal but captured our stated objective in a most heroic manner!

At first, when we heard about the rumoured illicit landing of valuable cargo, I dismissed them as the idle talk of those who have had whimsical fantasy filling their thoughts, distracting them from their oppressed situation.

However, when two detachments of the (sadly misguided, yet courageous) Bristol Rifles came our way with the disruption of the very same illegal landing in mind we gladly and with one mind leapt at the chance to assist the Legitimate Guardians of The People in the execution of their lawful duties.

Our peaceful and lawful march on the jetty, some way up the Avon, was interrupted by heavy small arms fire and eventually, suppressive fire from a mortar.

We weathered this fire; prudently taking cover in the natural defences afforded us, close to the pontoon, while our aggressors cowered behind a hillock, afraid to face the men they were content to shell from afar.

I later found out that our enemy had been employing a mercenary band (probably fresh from the Fascist lines of the Spanish Civil War). Our opponent’s willingness to employ these Capitalist Merchants of Death speaks greatly of their true natures!

The appearance of the French cutter, Le Hareng Rouge, was announced by the distant explosion of our opponents mortar. A sound lesson for our cowardly foe.

Forced out of their unmanly defensive positions, the mercenaries brought up their machine gun and began to fire upon us. This, alone, would not have been enough to supress the spirits of true revolutionaries, but at that point Le Hareng Rouge vomited forth the nest of vipers it was harbouring, tearing into the guard we had placed near the pontoon to liberate the ship in the name of The People.

Our forces, beleaguered and bloodied, fell back, but only after the faint-hearted regulars had vacated the area, and their bowels.

As our opponents abandoned the ships like… well… like rats, who should we spot at their head, none other than the notorious criminal and aristocratic oppressor of The People, Lady Florence Bagshaw!

But as she and her entourage flounced up the river bank, dirtying the decadent apparel, bought with the stolen labour of other men, I, assisted by those brave comrades still able to fight on liberated a rowing dinghy and with the ingenuity born only of true Communist teamwork, commandeered Le Hareng Rouge in the name of The People!

Our objective of securing the goods of the smuggling operation was thus gloriously achieved! The supplies of value we recovered were the sum total of one empty cargo hold. It was this empty cargo hold that Lady Bagshaw and her cadre of child soldiers failed to take with them when they escaped.

However, an opportunity to rid the world of a bourgeois parasite was unconscionably lost. No matter. The relevant authorities have been told of Lady Bagsaw’s return from France and soon she will find herself committing her first act for her fellow man; feeding the land with her decaying remains…

A Call to Arms

The so called Free Press say that today we are in the opening stages of the first British Civil War! They all claim that what we are seeing is a justifiable struggle between a glorious defender of the sovereignty of this nation and an illegitimate usurper. The identity of the true rulers and the dishonourable power grabber will switch depending on which newspaper you happen to read but, do not be fooled brothers!
Neither of the power brokers in this conflict is legitimate! Neither the Fascistic Monarchy nor the decadent bourgeois parliament have a valid claim to rule this nation. What this struggle is in fact symptomatic of is the growing unrest of the British worker with the inept government left over from the age of medieval traditions and Iron Age superstition!
Today we find ourselves in the midst of a revolution, even if many of The People are unable or even refuse to acknowledge it. We shall open their eyes! We shall bring to them the glory of the Communist Ideal! We shall be the vanguard of the revolution in this, the Spring of 1939.